Stop Overthinking Past Interactions: Learn this Powerful Practice Instead

Constructive reflection is a powerful tool

Do you get stuck in rumination or overthinking after important events? It’s a common habit I observe in career coaching clients. As a solution, I’ve been sharing the practice of debriefing with them recently, because I believe it’s one of the most powerful tools for continued progress and success. We do it at the end of every coaching session. I then encourage clients to bring this practice into their personal and private lives, too. It’s simple, but incredibly effective.

You might have heard the term “debriefing” before, probably in a military or high-stakes context. For example, after a mission, soldiers or agents gather to debrief. They review what happened, what worked, what didn’t, and how they can improve moving forward. It’s all about gaining perspective and reinforcing lessons learned — whether those lessons are positive or negative. It also helps them transition back to normal life, offering a sense of closure, especially where there has been the risk of trauma.

Now, let’s translate this concept into the world of communication, career performance, and everyday interactions. We all know the importance of preparation before significant events — whether it’s an interview, a date, a presentation, or a tough conversation with a client or loved one. However, what often gets overlooked is the power of debriefing after the event.

I see it often: people get stuck simply replaying what went wrong and they miss out on the opportunity to learn and improve. That’s why I consider debriefing just as important as preparation. A little time spent reflecting constructively after the experience can make a huge difference. It helps you put things into perspective, give yourself credit for what went well, stop beating yourself up over what didn’t, and move on.

So, how do you debrief? It’s simple — and I recommend that you do it after any important event: a date, interview, pitch, or presentation - even at the end of the day or work week. Ask yourself these questions:

1. What went well?
   Recognise the positive moments, even the small ones. This helps build confidence and trust in your abilities.

2. What would I do differently next time?
   It’s not about criticising yourself, but about identifying areas where you can improve.

3. What have I learned from this experience?
   It doesn’t have to be a ground-breaking lesson - simply something that you will refer to in future situations.

4. What is my biggest takeaway?
   What’s the one thing that stands out to you the most?

5. What action steps can I take moving forward?
   Limit it to 3 small steps that will allow you to progress or make the next time even better.

Journaling your answers is a smart way to track your progress over time. It allows you to reflect on how much you’ve grown and what still needs attention. Each time you go through this process, it brings you closer to the version of yourself that’s more confident, prepared, and successful.

Remember, every conversation, interview, or meeting is an opportunity to learn and grow. When you embrace debriefing, it’s not just about fixing what went wrong — it’s about celebrating what went right, accepting all of it, and moving on in an empowered way.

Preparation, debriefing and celebration are part of all my personal, communication and career coaching processes, and I offer various levels of support for your goals and challenges. Book a free discovery call today, and let's explore your needs together. 

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Siobhán Gallagher is a coach, educator and writer focused on the intersection between communication, career and wellbeing. Join her mailing list or book a discovery call to learn more. Connect at siobhangallagher.co, LinkedIn and Instagram.