How to Ask Questions that Will Save You Time, Energy and Money - and Why We Don’t

Oct 25

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was from Heroic Public Speaking founder, Michael Port. It was ‘Choose early and often’. As someone who historically has been a bad decision-maker, this advice has been liberating. (Oh, the torture I’ve inflicted upon myself choosing between the burger and the seafood!) It has led me to another liberating breakthrough too.

Think about this: How often have you found something out and then said to yourself, “I wish I had known that sooner!”?

Let’s face it — what we really mean is, “I wish I had asked about it sooner. I wish I had made the effort to inform myself sooner.” The information and answers have always existed. We just haven’t accessed them.

At the root of indecision and inaction, you will find delayed communication.

In my experience, one of the main reasons we don’t get things done, we don’t get what we want, and we don’t progress, is because we delay telling people what we want, asking for help, and looking for solutions.

Instead, we allow ourselves to carry on, often uncomfortably, not knowing for sure, not receiving the help, not making life easier. We’ve assumed that we already know the answer, that we won’t actually get what we want, or that it won’t work, so there’s no point in asking. These assumptions result in wasted time, money and opportunities.

Ask early and often - choose early and often.

Here are two simple, personal examples: the first year I lived in Mexico, I delayed informing myself about residency, because I assumed it was too difficult or too expensive or not worth the hassle. Turns out, it was none of those things - it was surprisingly straightforward and affordable. However, over time it became more restrictive. All I had done in that first year was hold myself back. As a consequence I paid more money when I finally did apply, and made life more complicated for myself in the meantime.

Pre-Covid, I put off inquiring if the local library had rooms available for classes I wanted to hold. When I finally did ask, the answer was a surprising ‘No’. I wasted time confidently assuming that it did. That time could have been spent finding other suitable locations if I had just asked as soon as I had a need.

Therefore, I’m adding to Michael Port’s advice: First, ask early and often. Then, choose early and often. Asking early makes choices easier.

If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Another more considerate but equally unhelpful reason we don’t ask is because we’re afraid of bothering someone. Although we don’t actually know that we will bother them. I’ve had clients holding themselves back from their dream projects because they’re afraid to ask for help. Help can be information, clarification or practical assistance. To get them out of this mindset hole, I ask them, “How do you feel when someone asks you for help?”. Their response is usually positive.

The reality is that people generally enjoy being asked to help. Many are flattered to have an interest taken in them and an opportunity to share their knowledge. If they don’t or they can’t help, you will only know if you ask. Then you can move on.

They who hesitate are lost — inform yourself now.

Holding ourselves back from getting the information we want and need in life is like getting into a car to reach a destination, but never consulting a map, a sign post or asking for directions — and still expecting to get there on time. Ultimately it’s self-sabotage and poor self-leadership, as we allow our energy and progress to be paralysed by doubts, fears and limiting beliefs.

Our frequently misplaced hesitation, fear, discomfort, laziness and assumptions are time, money, energy and opportunity wasters. You might not get a second chance. We all know what it feels like when the moment has passed. Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Knowledge is power that fuels our lives; it helps us make the right decisions and advance. The sooner and more frequently we gain that knowledge — What time to do you open? Can you help me? Do you agree? How do you feel about …? Is this possible? How much does it cost? — the sooner and more frequently we can reach our destinations.

So, ask yourself this week - what questions are you putting off? What support do you need?

I then invite you to step out of self-sabotage and into self-leadership by asking early and often. Who knows where you’ll be next week thanks to the answers you receive?

If you would like to explore any of the themes mentioned in this article, let’s chat. Reach me at siobhan@siobhangallagher.co or book a chemistry call.

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Siobhán Gallagher is a coach, educator and writer focused on the intersection between self-leadership, communication and wellness. She helps individuals reclaim their voice and direction, so that they can finally fulfill their ambitions and check off their bucket list. Download her free guide: From Awkward to Empowered: 10 Steps to Assertive Communication. Connect with her at siobhangallagher.co, LinkedIn and Instagram.